1. Resist the urge to check your twitter feed every 8 minutes.
2. Do not under any circumstance tweet about resisting the urge to check your twitter feed every 8 minutes.
3. If you’re going to finish all the powdered milk in your boss’ office, one little lick at a time, you might as well wipe the grains off your cheeks so you don’t have to make the puppy face when he asks you.
4. During today’s meeting which the boss has called to remind you of how “bloody incompetent you ALL are”, reduce your yawning from 30 yawns per hour to at least 10 yawns per hour.
5. Prove that you are completely competent and dedicated to your job by changing your wallpaper from a picture of your boyfriends sexy ass to something more …. Uhhhmm professional.
6. Update your resume. (you know, just incase of anything)
Organising shit. Check
Calling numbers and shit. Double Check
Customer Support and shit. Mega-Check
Faxing numbers and shit. MOTHERFLIPPING CHECK ALL OVER THAT.
7. After working hard all morning go through your I-saw-her-do-it list and remind the office accountant why she owes you lunch money for the rest of her accountancy career.
8. Extend lunch hour by two hours so that you only ‘work’ for an hour. Which is enough time to injure yourself so badly that you have to skip work for two days.
9. Since you wont be at work two days, download both seasons of ‘New girl.’ And whatever movie has a good enough story line to keep you awake for 2 hours.
10. And for pits-sake DO NOT post this on your blog.
